Restart

Restart    

It has been quite a while since I lasted posted anything to this blog.  It is partly because of my fall on 8/9/10 and partly because of Hurricane Sandy, but mostly because writing is hard work and having lost the momentum it was just easy not to be motivated and restart. However, if I take the time to think about it the “itch” has continued to surfaced from time to time over the last 6 years and has become all but impossible to ignore recently.  Because I’m interpreting the events of last Tuesday, August 9, 2016, to be more than a very big coincidence I decided to restart the blog with “this” story about the last couple months.

  

If you don’t know this already, my wife and I do a good bit of sailing. We got hooked on sailing with an old Hobiecat 16 almost 20 years ago. Since than, being on the water and under sail has been a big part of our lives. On 8/9/2010 I made a small mistake, one that came very close to being the end of me, http://tinyurl.com/j9u35re, and one that everyone, including me, thought was the end of our sailing days. After my fall, hospitalization, more than a few surgeries, many hours of PT/OT and countless prayers I was able to transition back –over time- into a normal, with some small modification, life.  

  

On October 29, 2012 hurricane Sandy came ashore on the NJ coast. We live at ground 0, right where the eye of the storm made landfall on the mainland. Houses all around us were devastated. We lost both our cars to the flood and had 18" of water in the ground floor of our house. Watermarks on the outside of the house show that the flood waters peaked between 3 and 4' on the outside of our house. Somehow, with Gods great help, the storm damage, insurance company snafu’s, repair work, car replacements and the associated overwhelming financial needs all eventually worked out. In order to stay afloat financially couple times we sold off just about everything that we could. It’s remarkable what you can sell of Craigslist.  I even tried a couple of times to sell the sailboat to fill the obvious huge $ gap between what was coming in and what was going out. But regardless of how low I was willing to go on the price we were prevented, somehow, from doing so. Eventually, when the time was right, like “the birds of the air”, all the needs became met.  Life returned to a new normal.

  

This past winter a false spring in March gave me the chance to get an early start of prepping the boat and an early launch, and then winter returned. The ready and waiting sailboat rode out the late cold and snowstorms floating at her dock. After the thaw I began making plans for an extended sail, and then one of our three daughters needed her mom’s help with a new and first baby. It was a delight to be delayed for grandchild #10.

  

My bride finished up Nanny duty in the first week of June. She was well worn out and needed a week or so to refresh her batteries from seven or eight weeks of spending three – five days each week in NYC.
As she rested up we began making plans to cast off on the high tide June 11 or 12.  We were dead set on getting out for a couple weeks.

           * All the while I occasionally felt the nudge to return to writing. I didn't pay attention*

   

On June 10, 2016, walking out the front door to check the mail, I twisted my ankle and broke a bone in my left foot. My right arm is very well plated and screwed together and my right elbow frozen, remnants of the 8/9/10 fall so I cannot use crutches. In order to give me some mobility the doctor put me in a walking boot. "This should take 6 weeks or so to heal." He said.  I set my sights on a new "cast off" date. HA!

    

At my first follow up visit with the Ortho Doc. 2 weeks later. Fast healing, all is good, I’m making plans to sail. So I get sloppy about always wearing the boot.
Second follow up, not so good. Instead of great progress the X-ray shows regress. The break looks bigger, to us, than it did on the first x-ray.
Now I get very serious with the boot.

   

Thursday morning, 7/26/ 2016 my sister calls. Our dad has had a seizure of some sort and is being taken by ambulance to the emergency room.  We later learn that the seizure was a massive stroke. I have an appointment for my foot with my Orth Doc the same day at 1 pm.

   

For months I have been trying to plan and to get out for a long sailing trip.  Despite trying my best to pull it off, “something” keeps getting in the way. These somethings are not necessarily bad things; In fact some of them are really good and wonderful things. But that doesn’t change the fact that I no matter how much I plan, we just can’t start the trip. For five weeks I have been kicking myself for turning my ankle and breaking my foot now the thought begins to emerge, “OK, so my foot is to have kept me home for this morning?”  Had I not broken my foot, or had it healed as expected we would have been out to sea, we might have been a hundred miles away. It could have taken us days to get back to help mom and Dad, if I had sailed.

Two more weeks slowly pass we head out to the Ortho Doc’s office for my third visit, now at 7 weeks from breaking my left foot.  The x-ray shows some healing; it is starting to look good again. I am disappointed to hear "Keep the boot on for another couple weeks and make a new appointment".
After leaving the doctors we get a call from our daughter, the new mother, the baby has a virus and has been banned from daycare for a week. Our daughter has some important meetings that no one else can cover. We are happy to help. I'm thinking to myself. “Wow, are we ever going to start this trip?”” But then if my foot wasn't broke we wouldn't have been here for Mom and Dad and now to help with the baby too”, so my foot break is starting to = a good thing. Little did I know.

On August 3^rd I mentioned to my wife that "the boot" must be really worn out. I'm having some tenderness in my left calf where the top strap hits my leg. Not that I haven't been exploiting the term walking boot at all.

The visit with the Ortho Doc on Aug. 9^th goes well, lots of healing. I am delivered from “the boot”, I am given a small, by comparison, ankle brace. In my mind’s eye I can see the coming Friday high tide and us sailing out the cut for a few days.  Just before we are done with the doctor, my wife mentions my casual complaint about my calf. Very quickly the doctor turns around and stoops down to inspect my left calf. Then he tells us that he wants me to go “right over to the hospital and have an ultrasound, right away”. His expression had quickly turned from satisfaction to obvious concern. He says I could have and he does not want to take any chance. Around the block to the hospital we go. His referral scrip says STAT across the top.

   

While waiting at the hospital, for what seems a very long time, I hate waiting, I am working hard to not get a bad attitude about the hospital and what, at that moment I am interpreting as, their apparent lack of efficiency.  The truth be told, I have been fighting against a bad attitude with regards to the delays to my plans, sailing in particular for quite some time. “First it’s the foot, now looking for a possible blood clot, will I ever be able to cast off?” Eventually I am called back for my ultrasound after what seems to me a lifetime of waiting, but in reality is not long at all.  While the ultrasound technician does the test I'm watching the monitor thinking that the dark mass in the center of the image are clear veins. In my thoughts I am comparing the ultrasound on my leg with the sonar on my boat and trying to think of something clever to say about it when the test is finished. Technicians normally will not tell a patient what they see or find, leaving the diagnoses up to a doctor, but I hope with a little levity I can get her to tell me how well I am. When she finishes she says "I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you do have a clot. And it's a big one it goes from your groin to behind your knee. I need to take you to emergence right now. Don’t get up. I’m going to get a wheel chair”.   The date is August 9, 2016. Exactly 6 years from the fall that almost killed me.

   

While lying on the table, having a quiet conversation in my head, I pray " now what". Again the idea of writing returns. It seems an odd answer that at that moment, after just hearing that I have a big blood clot in my left leg that I would think the answer is “to write”. Frankly, I would rather think or hear, go sail.

  

I mentioned to the technician, then tell the triage nurses at emergence, and then to everyone who comes to check on me in emergence, that I already have a Greenfield filter, a left over from the clot in my leg caused by my fall in 2010.  After a round of blood tests the ER doctor gives me some blood thinner pills, a prescription for more and instructed me to follow up with my own doctor. Then they send me home with instructions to treat my left leg like it is made of glass for the time being.

   

I learned the next day, from my Doctor that the old Greenfield filter is now, because of its age, quite useless. It should have been removed years ago. Nobody is saying much about how ugly this event could have turned out. Dad's recent stroke had caused us to have already done some research on clots and what they often lead to. 

   

I don't normally go around trying to ascribe "meaning" to every little thing but this chain of seemingly unrelated events, all lining up for "the good" is hard to overlook. The fact that this all comes to a climax on the    anniversary of my fall is the frosting on the cake. One nurse in emergency, when she heard about the fall six years past said "with your bad luck you should just stay in bed" I told her that I think I must have very good luck, after all I’m still alive. I neglected to mention I don't believe in luck at all.

   

Dad's recovery has been Amazing. His speech is restored. He has regained the ability to walk and to care for himself, possibly better than before the stroke.  He is being discharged to home on 8/13.

   

As for that nagging thought about writing; the old saying goes, every journey begins with a single step, in this case with a few typed words.

The needy are Christ's Brothers

Shantytown Clothing Drive Your HELP is needed.

Seven Ocean County Churches have joined forces to help the homeless. Most people think of homelessness as a “big city” problem. Few of us living in Ocean, Monmouth and Atlantic Counties are truly aware of the growing needs of the homeless in our own towns.
Did you know that on any given night, in your town, families are sleeping in their cars? That veterans are hoping to find a warm dry place to spend the night? That the folks you stand in line with at the supermarket or in the Wawa may be homeless. The unmentioned causalities of the financial, employment, mortgage, and housing crisis are those who have run out of options. Along with a place to stay the homeless also needs clothing and food. One out of five Americans go to sleep each night hungry. Over 1% of our population experiences some level of homelessness. In Ocean County alone that equates to 5,750 experiencing some level of homelessness, 38% of these are children! (Published by the National Coalition for the Homeless, July 2009)
To help draw attention to this need, participants of all ages, sponsored through local churches will become homeless, for a night. Shantytown, calls awareness and draws attention to the severity of this local need. Shantytown will take place at Manahawkin Lake Park. The event is scheduled to begin Saturday November 19th and end Sunday November 20th.

How YOU can help

Participants will spend the night homeless sleeping in boxes. Please consider giving a night to this need and or help those donating their night to this cause. Donations raised by the Shantytown “homeless” participants will benefit the Atlantic City Rescue Mission.

At Shantytown we will be collecting Clothing and Canned Food.
New Clothing, new or gently used * and washed* as well as canned food.

We are requesting that Clothing and Canned Food be collected at your local church or organization and delivered to Shantytown (aka Manahawkin Lake Park, Manahawkin NJ) between 4:30 and 7 PM November 19th. If you need that we can arrange to pick up your collections of donated clothing and food PLEASE email me at cash.william@gmail.com to schedule a pickup. Please include your name, church or organization name, contact phone number and the best time to reach you in your email.
Anyone wishing to make financial contribution, small or large, Please also contact me through Email and we can work out the details.

Jesus called “those in need” His brothers and sisters. He said that what we do for His brothers and sisters we do for Him. Matt 25:40.

The Sabbith Rest

Here is a thought to lift you a bit.
One persons "storm damage" is another’s daily bread. He cares for mankind in both a global method and in personal at the same moment. Interpreting the ‘climate’ of our individual little world as a small bit of the structure and plan of the Almighty is a key component of entering into His Sabbath rest. (Heb. 4:9-11)

God Speed
Bill

He feeds the birds

Storm Irene, I hate to complement it by calling it a hurricane- no disrespect intended for those who actually dealt with hurricane conditions- was more of a inconvenience then an event. Winds here toped at 33.3. The “storm Surge” amounted to less than an average winter nor’easter (for us) . The worst of the storm we were at high tide and the storm added 3 maybe 4’ to the tide. Little to no serious damage in the few blocks around us. This may have been an economic stimulus action. It sure caused a lot of gas and provision purchasing.

All that being said the shore birds are having a feast. The storm cleaned and washed the meadows of acres of dead vegetation into the bay which are full of food sources for the birds. Brings to mind how the Lord cares for the need of the birds.

Too often when “storms” come along we look at them and cry “why God? “ not thinking that our misfortune, for the moment, is providing blessings to other of his creation. In this case we were troubled for a while by a storm that is feeding the birds.

How awesome is such a God that he cares even for the birds! Consider how he cares and loves each of us!

where your treasure is

Interesting,
If I bash the President some will cheer others will sneer
If I preach the Rapture many will repose, others will thumb their nose
If I promote conservation some will hug a tree – shout with glee
If I build a faster car the sales line will grow far
Another Gadget- most must have it
A new toy and we are filled with joy

Posta comment about hunger and the Sound of Silence echoes on
I have to wonder we kneel at our alters ignoring the answer in the wind.

hungry? thirsty?

The other morning I caught part of a TV show with James and Betty Robinson. I have a little history with James Robinson, he spent a week teaching at my alma-mater. Jim was much more full of vinegar back then. Apparently he and I have spent some time in the same rock-tumbler.

Coincidently I am currently reading a book by Brenan Manning “the Ragamuffin Gospel” (Brenan also shared residence in the tumbler. ) The night before I caught Jim and Barbra on TV and saw a vid clip from them about their water well projects I read from Brenan that 1 in 5 Americans go to bed hungry. What a sobering thought! While mainstream America stands in line to purchase the latest 4G gadget there are people, probably within walking distance, who don’t have enough food.

I did a very little research and found
http://feedingamerica.org/hunger-in-america/hunger-facts/hunger-and-poverty-statistics.aspx

Apparently Brenan’s numbers may be slightly off, BUT not by much.

Here are some of the numbers
• In 2009, 43.6 million people (14.3 percent) were in poverty.
• In 2009, 50.2 million Americans lived in food insecure households, 33 million adults and 17.2 million children
Before your defense systems go into overdrive to explain why this isn’t “my” problem please another look above. “ 17.2 million children” Just to put that number into perspective that is 2 time the entire population of the state of NJ or almost equal to the entire population of the State of New York. Just think about that for a moment. Enough children to populate the entire state of New York are without enough food. AND THIS IS IN AMERICA!

Right now in the land of plenty, (where over 20% of the population is obese *) 40 MILLION Americans are hungry and may go to bed that way. Worse still is that tomorrow looks no better.

That begs the question, What “shall” we do about it?
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matt.25: 37-40
http://www.livestrong.com/article/348674-statistics-for-obesity-in-america/

Regarding Comas

My daughter Jenn came and Had dinner with Katherine and I last night to celebrate my “return from the dead” see blog posts dated 7/11. 1/17 & 8/15.

During the course of the evening our talk naturally returned to those strange days of the come. They talked about what was going on around me and to me from those who medically cared for me and those who love me (sometimes the same people). I spoke of what I recalled and dreamed.

My perceptions of those days/hours and weeks are at times somewhat strange and vastly different from reality (?) but there is cohesiveness between the two. Sometimes it is clear and obvious- sometimes veiled.

I have had the chance since I woke up to talk to others who have lived in that shadow world and all agree that they were aware of the time. The awareness varies but we were aware.

Here is my point. If you are caring for, praying for or holding the hand of someone trapped in “that darkness” be aware, they hear you. They are alone in a place that is very confusing, very lonely and at times-many times—most of the time terrifying. Speak softly to them, they need you now more than you can ever understand.

Re-Born

Today is my anniversary.
In a very “very” real sense it is the anniversary of my re-birth. At 8:35 AM- one year ago I took that 30’ fall and spent the next 6 weeks in a coma. Some of that time “mostly dead” When I awoke almost 6 weeks later I had a new understanding of His grace and love.
I hope you know and or discover the depth of Him in a less traumatic way.

Building a pillar of stone

Building a pillar of stone

Throughout the Old Testament we read how “heroes” of the faith built pillars of stones to mark events and commitments regarding God and their fellow man. Gen. 31:52 sheds an adequate light on the concept. “This heap is a witness, and this pillar is a witness,” The pile of stones stands as a physical reminder of a decision.

I feel drawn to write, always have. This posting it intended as a “pillar of stone” to say I will. Telling you about it is like building a pillar of stone. Now that it is built there is no denying it existence. It’s up to me now to live up to the testimony of the stone. Psalm 118:22

He calls to us

One of my biggest frustrations with most organizations is a lack of planning and clear goals. (The what why and how that caused them to come into being.) They may have goals, or had then, but somehow they have been covered over with layers of function that amount to busywork. Eventually most seem to exist for the sake of existing.

This seems very true in the case of most local churches and denominations. If asked why they exist the wrote answer, in evangelical circles, will be: to lead others to Christ- to mature the believers-to grow the church- etc.-etc.

The problem is that those we want to bring the message to couldn't care less about " church" and they dont know anything about and care even less for the Church. For the new believer or the person who has a yearning to be part of “the church” (flock, herd, group, crowd) this is often enough. Depending on the new believes “type” he/she may be content to mill around with the rest of the flock for years, possibly a lifetime. Others come and go from the flock or trade one flock for another –depending on the quality of the grass or the season.

Unfortunately, the flock normally consists mostly of…. ‘flocktypes”. It wasn’t flocktypes who received the great commission, began to and did change the world.
The men/women who changed the world and those who will ignite the next great awakening had a goal- a purpose and a plan.
(What WHY and how) Then they infected others with that goal-purpose and plan.

I think God is waiting for a few to catch the fire – really see His plan not just to build a group or grow a church but to upset the world- and start a bonfire. I think you have seen the flame.

Not politics, not “church” we have seen over 4000 years of this. He calls to us.

Time confuses truth

Time confuses truth

8,400 hours 12 Minutes ago on Aug 9, 2010, many questioned if I would survive the 30’ fall. For weeks they wondered if I would survive the next night.

8 months ago many wondered if I would ever walk or have the use of my right arm and hand.

6 Months ago, Doctors told me I should find new interests, they said I shouldn’t drive, shouldn’t try and would never sail again

4 months ago I was still in a wheel chair and needed help bathing

On April 27, 2011, with much help, I set a ladder next to our sail boat and struggled 9’ up to begin preparations to sail again.

On June 23, 2011 we returned to the sea.

July 22, 2011, 10 days and over 400 miles sailed.

“Against all Hope”, Almighty God has continued to coax me forward

A Fall to Grace

In modern English we use the word know to express many thoughts. As long as I can remember I knew there was a God, then one day I met Him and what I knew became more real. Very recently the things that I knew were tested. I am here tonight to tell you how that happened and how that testing propelled my hopes into reality. The reality that God Almighty loves me , and if He loves me then he must love you. Because he loves us--- he cares for us--- and because he cares--for us,, he helps us.

Those who know me will probably agree that I have a tendency to go off the deep end with things that capture my attention. By this I mean that I generally don't dabble in my interests, instead I dive into them. What you might not know is that there are very few things that I've ever wanted to do that I have not done. Normally to excess.

That behavior has guaranteed that my life, and the life of my family have normally been interesting and often exciting. That being said nothing could have prepared me or my family for the roller coaster ride of the last 5 1/2 months.

The morning of Monday August 9th started off as very common,-- there was nothing special about the day. Two weeks before I had begun in addition project on a house in Rumson. I didn't intend to strap on my tool belt but I had to keep the job moving, I had be the lead carpenter.

With the help of men that I hired on a daily basis we completed 90% of the demolition work and had framed out the new second-floor and roof system. All but one piece of plywood roof sheathing was in place and with the threat of rain and a nor'easter bearing down I was anxious to begin and complete the roof shingles.

While my three-man crew was carrying out whatever instructions I given them I sliced off a 3 to 4 foot piece of tarpaper stuck a slap hammer and a box of staples in my tool belt and climbed the 28 foot ladder onto the roof. For reasons that I cannot remember I went to the very top of the roof to tack down piece of tarpaper,, 30 feet above the ground.

I stapled the tarpaper down on one side and stepped over the ridge, as I bent down to begin stapling the second side I saw and felt the tarpaper begin to tare free from the roof. As my feet flew out from under me I heard myself say, "Jesus, please help me". Then time almost stopped. My life, as I knew it, was about to drastically change.

I grew up in a good home. In my preteen years I attended church and Sunday school with my parents-- I even sang in a church choir. However, by the time I was in my mid teens I decided that church and religion were a farce. I knew that God was real but I failed to see the evidence of Him in organized religion.

I was 15 when I first became aware of God's presence while skiing alone on a mountaintop in Vermont. I decided that God did not reside in churches but on the mountaintops. For the next eight years I avoided church, using my mountaintop experience as a justification.

In 1977 I attended a church service with my wife and a couple that God was using to introduce her to Jesus. I'm sure that I reminded Katherine as we drove to the evening service of my opinion that God was not in churches . I must have repeated my standing challenge, that God would have to touch me in a church, the way he had on the mountain top for me to believe. God tolerated and accepted my challenge. During the worship service the reality of his presence fell on me like a huge rock. I was so captivated by Him that I stood through the entire service. Fortunately, we were in the back row. The following week I responded to an altar call. The pastor asked me why I had come forward. I wasn't sure--- I told him “I want to be with Jesus”.

Within a year of my surrender to Jesus, Katherine and I sold our home and almost everything we owned. We loaded our two children into a beat up old Ford station wagon with a partly burned-out transmission and headed off for Dallas Texas to attend Christ for the Nations Institute. CFNI is a mission-based nondenominational Bible college started by Gordon Lindsay, an evangelist and teacher who came from the era of traveling tent ministries. We went there to know God more personally and in deeper way and to learn how to understand his word on our own.

The inspiration to head off to Texas came through a coworker that I was attempting to share salvation with one night, during lunch break. He asked me "how do you know ?" I had no answer for him. The fact is, at that point in my life the things that I thought I knew were all secondhand. I had not learned or read them for myself but I had been told them during a church service or Bible study. Please remember, my personality almost demands that I drop everything and dive in. Jesus had captivated my attention, three church services a week weren't enough --there was nothing else I could do. I didn't realize then that Church services, Sunday school, and Bible studies do more than just teach about God and his word, – they also build a sense of fellowship and community. I didn't understand yet that we learn, experience and share the love of Christ through close fellowship with one another. It's important to study and understand God's word but raw knowledge just become rules unless they are experienced through God's love.

For the next two and half years we were surrounded by the fellowship of other believers who shared our desire to understand and live in the kingdom. Every day, because of the communal intensity of the environment, we experienced his presence, His love and tenderness-- we witnessed God's miraculous powers in our family and those around us.

I knew the day that I committed to attend CFN I that God had called me to serve him. I didn't know how exactly or where but I was positive it wasn't in New Jersey. I used to boldly proclaim that I was never going back to New Jersey unless God drug me there kicking and screaming. That's exactly what he did. Once again God graciously and patiently tolerated then responded to my challenge.

After returning to New Jersey God blessed us with homes, good health and jobs, lots of jobs. Unfortunately, due to my own pride and callousness, we never became deeply connected to a fellowship of believers . Consequently there was no one who picked up the phone when we stopped showing up for Wednesday night and ultimately Sunday morning fellowship.

Left to fend for ourselves spiritually it was easy to drift away. God remained part of our lives but he was no longer central. When the normal everyday troubles of a young family came, as they always do, I ultimately would look back up at God and asked for his help. In his completely unwavering love he was always there, He always answered.

Luke chapter 8 records Jesus’ parable of the sower.
..“A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds ate it up. Some fell on rocky ground, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.” …..

Jesus explains the parable starting in verse 11
..“The seed is the word of God. Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. Those on the rocky ground are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.

THANK GOD the seed that falls among the thorns does not die, our Lord is the perfect gardener. The certainty of God's love and our security in Christ is not based on our ability to be good or follow a set of rules. Our security and hope, yours and mine are based entirely on the goodness of Christ and the love of God Almighty. God is able, if we are willing, to plow up the hard ground, to remove the rocks and weed the garden because it is His will, His desire that we know him and be free to be transformed into the image of Jesus.

On August 25, 2005 I was buried alive 30 feet down as the result of a trenching accident. Almost all cave-in or trench accidents or fatal. The situation was so grim that the rescue workers, over hundred of them, didn't actually think that there was a hope of rescuing me. Some bystanders have told me that they treated it as a drill and a recovery operation. In fact they turned back the medevac helicopter that had been dispatched to take me to the hospital. With God's miraculous help I escaped that accident with nothing more than a scraped elbow. I foolishly interpreted God's grace as God's approval instead of running into his arms because of his miraculous intervention I blindly continued down my own thorn covered path.

Then the economy started to fall apart. The new housing market, where I made my living, went down the tubes. Over the years I had gone from doing odd jobs to be a senior purchasing manager of the world's third largest builder. To reduce costs the company chose to close down the central Jersey office where I was employed. Recognizing that I was about to be downsized took the offer to be CEO of a window company. I didn't seek God's guidance before making that decision. I should have, the company already in trouble and it soon lost its contracts and closed. There were too few jobs and too many good people available in the industry that I had worked in for the last 20 years. As a result salaries and wages went down drastically.

Against my wife's objections I formed a new remodeling company and went back into business for myself. This worked out well for two years and then the remodeling business drastically slowed as well. In 2009 the gaps between contracts grew progressively longer. All of the plans that I had so carefully formulated crumbled. Like quicksand, the more I tried the worse things became.
I thought we were over the hump when I was hired to build an addition on a house in Rumson. Then there was another addition project job, much closer to home. Between the two of these jobs 2010 was going to be okay, or so I thought.

In order to man the Rumson job I had formed a loose verbal partnership with another contractor. When the time came to begin the job the other contractor was AWOL. For many reasons, not the least of which were money and reputation, I was anxious to begin on time so I hired day laborers to serve as the necessary muscle and we began demolition. The other contractor would sort out whatever was going on in his life and return my calls any day, he didn’t. Demolition was completed and I put on my tool belt. We poured the footings, set the pillars, and framed the second floor deck. My 55-year-old bones were not enjoying it but this work is exhilarating and I was finding satisfaction in the fact that the job was moving forward. We were still on schedule.

We completed the roof framing and most of the roof sheathing on Saturday. The next day- Sunday- Katherine joined me as I captained the County pump-out boat on the lower Barnegat Bay. On Monday morning August 9th three strong young men helped me complete the roof sheathing.

The weatherman was predicting a nor'easter to hit the area in about four days. There was just enough time, to apply the roof shingles, hang the wall sheathing and watertight the addition, or so I thought.
The first words as my feet slipped out from under me were "Jesus please help me” then as I shot off the roof like a kid on a waterslide,, I hollered--, maybe screamed,-- to the neighbor “call 911”.
I fell accelerating to over 32 miles an hour. The concrete paved patio rushed up in slow motion for just over a second. I remember thinking, "this is really going to hurt", then blinding pain. We had been careful the week before to move the patio furniture to the backyard out of harms way before we began demolition. Miraculously the picnic table had reappeared on the patio. I don't recall seeing it that morning but the wreckage proves it was there.

The impact drove the ball at the head of my femur through my pelvis and broke my pelvis in two more places. My right forearm had multiple compound fractures, the bones in my forearm were shattered, both of my hands were broken, along with four ribs.--- One of my lungs had collapsed but I was alive and conscious.

The police officers that responded only minutes later were also the paramedics. One of them warned me before they picked me up, “were are going to have to hurt you”. He was right. I pleaded with them to give me something for the pain but they told me they couldn’t. There was some debate between them about what hospital they were going to take me to and during the trip they pulled over and stopped. I yelled to them “ make up your minds…lets get moving”, I didn't know how much longer I could hold on.

I never passed out but the effect of shock must've taken hold on me, from then on my memory is sketchy. I remember pulling into the hospital parking lot and the doors opening on the ambulance.
Then the faces of Katherine and my parents, their voices trying to reassure me that I was going to be OK. I felt God's healing power move from my father's hand into me, I knew they were right.

I don't know if they shot me full of painkillers, if it was shock or if I just finally passed out---- I woke up 5 1/2 weeks later-- Katherine was there. I would find out that she was almost always there. Sometimes with my parents, my children, my sister, Pastor Gene. There was also a never-ending parade of caregivers and doctors.

Loved ones tell me that I seem to wake up from time to time during the coma, then I would slip away. On one occasion Katherine asked me if I knew what happened. I told her that I fell off the roof. She then asked if I knew where landed I answered “in the palm of the hand of God”. Today nothing could convince me otherwise, He caught me.

Statistically I should be dead. I have been told there were times when I was only a heart beat away from that happening. The doctors were amazed that I could have the injuries that I did but not damaged my spine or cracked my skull. Some of them even use the word miracle.

The Bible teaches us that God knows the beginning and the end of all things, he knew us each long before we were born, and He has numbered our days. He knew that I would fall off that roof. Two days before the accident He set the wheels in motion to help my wife and family cope with what was about to happen.
My parents had been spending the summer with us. Several days before the accident mom and dad left to visit my brother in Maryland. Their plans were to go from my brother’s house then return to their home in Myrtle Beach to collect the mail and check on things. On Saturday, August 7th my father told my mother that he felt that they should change their plans come back to our house. He couldn't explain why he just thought they should. Mom agreed and on Sunday they drove the five hours back to our house. Dad had heard from the Holy Spirit and because he listened,--- because he listened they were standing in the room with Katherine when the police called to tell her, “Mrs. Cash, your husband is alive”.
How great is our God that he cares for us so tenderly and with such detail?

I laid in a coma for 51/2 weeks while a host of people who love me prayed for me. My ability to stand here before you now quite literally is a result of those prayers --God’s love, His power, and His willingness to answer prayer. My wife, children, family, Pastor Gene, many of you and hundreds of people around the world – most of whom I've never met called out to God on my behalf.
Some have told me about their prayers but if I tried to repeat their stories I would completely fall apart.

Something very special happened while I slept I don't have a visual memory of it but I know- without a doubt- that God touched me. In some way at some point I was in his presence. I’m sure of this because of the things I said and felt and knew when I woke up. Katherine and my parents will tell you that I couldn't speak his name for weeks without weeping, I still do. That I would cry and talk for hours about how grateful we should be that God would allow us to just sit in the corner in his banquet room let alone sit down at the table with him. I awoke with a new understanding of how incredibly wretched I actually am and that it is only by his love and grace that I shouldn't be instantly destroyed. This is not some case of self-loathing but a realization of His magnificence.

My new understanding of my own need for God's mercy comes with the un-yielding assurance that his mercy exceeds my need. That His mercy is driven by His love. I have been captivated by the reality that the most powerful God, the creator and sustainer of everything that there is actually knows me. He knows each one of us and cares for us individually, his love and mercy are unchanging and more real than anything else.

I believe that God is healing my body. I would like him to do it instantly and I know he is able but I also know that God's ways are not my ways and his purposes are higher than my purposes. Too often I have been to cavalier about His love and been careless with His treasures. Perhaps my limp will remind me of the truth?

Along the New Jersey coast there are boardwalks built over the dunes to give visitors access to the beach. I had a vision of one of those boardwalks during one of the long sleepless nights at the hospital. Along with the image came the thought that it's up to me to cross the Boardwalk to get to the beach, to get to the ocean- I love the ocean. I have choices; I can stay at the beginning of the boardwalk and never cross the dunes because the Boardwalk seems too long or too difficult. If I decide to cross the Boardwalk I can choose to look down and be distracted by the broken glass and empty beer cans or I can step over them, I can lift my eyes and look at the ocean, He calls to me. I could also choose at any time to sit down and stay where I am on the Boardwalk -- to just look at the ocean in the distance, but- I love the ocean, He calls my name and I am compelled to keep moving across the Boardwalk over the dunes, to the beach, to the ocean--- to Him.

The blessings I have received and witnessed from my fall far outweigh the cost. People turned their faces to God on my behalf and found him in the process. Lives have been changed, priorities reordered and relationships restored.

This isn't pleasant, this is life.
I don't know what any of you are going through but I'm sure you have your own obstacles, things to overcome, and a Boardwalk to cross. The obstacles are inevitable and the Boardwalk-- well it's really there to help us get were we need to be. So tonight I want to invite each of you,,,, come to the beach…. step over the obstacles,,, and fix eyes on Jesus. He never said it was going to be easy he said “he would never leave us or forsake us”

Faith and Prayers

This is Bill's daughter Jenn. I'm not sure who is out there reading and keeping up, but I wanted to update people that are close to Dad on some news. As you may know, when Dad isn't boating, his main work is construction. On Monday August 9th he fell from a roof on a job site. God was certainly with him as he fell; he has no head, spine or major organ injuries. He fell 30 feet, but his fall was broken by a picnic table that somewhat protected him from the concrete pavement. All of his injuries are broken bones. The nurses and doctors keep reminding us that everything broken can be fixed. He will be recovering for quite some time. All of your prayers are much appreciated. We are surrounded and supported by the love of all the people that know Dad.
Thank you for any comments you leave here or on his facebook page.

blind faith

Last night I saw the most remarkable example of faith. I was watching the Winter Olympics, in particular Woman’s Freestyle Skiing. The weather conditions couldn’t have been much worse. It was snowing and foggy, very foggy. Competitor after competitor launched off the jump, 35 feet high in the air, twisted and turned doing aerobatics that to my mind defied the paws of physics. All the while blinded by the fog and unable to see the slope they hoped to stick a prefect landing on.

The maneuvers the preformed would be nothing short of remarkable in good conditions with good visibility. Last night they did it blind.

Consider the faith it takes to launch off a ski jump into a blind abyss. To do so with such confidence that you can spin and flip, knowing that at jus the right moment your skis would slap firmly onto the slope below.

The question came to mind, “how can they do that with such confidence?” The answer? Practice. These athletes have practiced these jumps so may times that they have NO doubt that the slope is going to be in the same place each and every time. They never give a thought to the possibility that anything could change.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Would you like to grow your faith? It comes by practice, by experience, by trusting God so often and in so may ways that there is no doubt that the slope will be there when your skis slap to the ground.

Take a Stand

Come join me and sign this!!!!! As a Christian, as an American, is there any choice but to add our signatures and support for this?

http://www.manhattandeclaration.org/


The Manhattan Declaration

A Call of Christian Conscience
Christians, when they have lived up to the highest ideals of their faith, have defended the weak and vulnerable and worked tirelessly to protect and strengthen vital institutions of civil society, beginning with the family.We are Orthodox, Catholic, and evangelical Christians who have united at this hour to reaffirm fundamental truths about justice and the common good, and to call upon our fellow citizens, believers and non-believers alike, to join us in defending them. These truths are:
1. the sanctity of human life
2. the dignity of marriage as the conjugal union of husband and wife
3. the rights of conscience and religious liberty.
Inasmuch as these truths are foundational to human dignity and the well-being of society, they are inviolable and non-negotiable. Because they are increasingly under assault from powerful forces in our culture, we are compelled today to speak out forcefully in their defense, and to commit ourselves to honoring them fully no matter what pressures are brought upon us and our institutions to abandon or compromise them. We make this commitment not as partisans of any political group but as followers of Jesus Christ, the crucified and risen Lord, who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

Focus

Recently I heard a message message/question of why we don’t, more often, see the same instant power, the signs and wonders we read about in the Bible.
This is a question that has been on my heart as well for some time so I was doubly interested when I heard the question as a sermon topic. In my mind the question morphed beyond signs and wonders into why some churches are flourishing and growing while others seem to just limp along, then there are those that grow then shrink away. The answer became clear about 10 last night and more so around 4 this AM. It’s the focus. What is the focus of the church or the prayer.

“Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them: "Rulers and elders of the people! If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a cripple and are asked how he was healed, then know this, you and all the people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. 11He is " 'the stone you builders rejected, which has become the capstone. Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." (NIV Acts 4:8-12)

Peter didn’t heal the cripple for any reason other then that he was moved to by the Holy Spirit to do so. I am assuming the Holy Spirit moved him to glorify Christ in God (before men) as a testimony to the message the believers were speaking.The book of James stated you “have not because you ask not and when you ask you ask for the wrong reasons” (BC Translation) I cant prove it with chapter and verse but I’m pretty sure there is a nugget of truth here. Preaching Jesus and Jesus only is what brings life to churches and ministries. Great signs and wonders happen not just because He loves us but more so to validate HIS message. Taking HIS message, HIM, outside of the confines of the church building gives the Holy Spirit the opportunity to “prove” the message.That IS the message! “there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." Through Jesus we can be united with the Father!

Focus on Him and everting else will come into view.

Catch the Vision

We were blessed to share some time over the past few weeks with my dear friend and brother Andrew McMillan. Andrew, his wife Kathy and their two sons, Andrew and Christian serve as missionaries in Colombia. Andrew had agreed, with God, to go to Colombia for two years, that was 23 years ago.

Just before he arrived he send me a copy of the attached letter he had written to someone in Texas. The power and vision of this letter humbles me.

My prayer is that the Lord will light in me such a fire as burns in Andrew. Better still would be that He lights this fire in all of us.

Dear Paul

I like talking about Abraham in Gen. 13:14 where God told him to climb up a mountain and look, and everything he could see, God would give it to him. God only said this after he separated himself from Lot (in the Hebrew : veil). So once we separate ourselves from fear, sin, self-pity or old securities, the veil is removed and we can see clearly the future full of revival. So, this morning, I feel like I am going up a mountain. Here is our vision for the next 10 years

*We launched 3 new churches this month. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to plant each new church with sound equipment, chairs, and a video projector (about $7,000 per church).

*Our children center now takes care of 157 kids(children of prostitutes and drug addicts). Our church is giving about $8,500 per month. It has been hard for us to keep it up, but how do you say no to kids? We also have two other ladies in the church with smaller centers for kids. We have a couple who are housing 12 street men. We have a small medical clinic for the poor. We could easily administer an extra $10,000 a month now. This does not include the dream to transform the day centers into orphanages. We are dreaming about building a home for the elderly next to the kids home, and have a place for pets, noise, joy, living confusion.

*For 3 years I have dreamed of a Bank of opportunities to give short term loans for starting small businesses. It would have a loan officer who would also teach classes on how to start and manage businesses. We would not loan to individuals but to groups of 2-3 people. This raises the payback rate up to 95%. For example, someone who wants to start a bakery would have to find two other people who also want to start their business, maybe a wedding dress rental store, or a beauty parlour.

*We just had 3 meetings on a Sunday in the city’s convention center. The Mayor and the president of the city council came…and some other big shots. We saw over 1,400 people saved. It cost $15,000. I would love to be there every month, maybe every 2 weeks, or even every Sunday when it is not rented out. If we had $120,000 to buy our own sound, we could make a deal with the city and be there at least every month for $4,500. The city would be changed. Jesus would be the talk of the town. (We need much better sound in the warehouse where we meet now. For $50,000 we could have sound that would bless 2,500 people in each meeting.) Many new people dont return because they cannot hear well.

*We are renting now,but we dream daily of a lot across the street that God has kept empty. The price is very high: 20,000 meters(215,000 sq. Feet) for 7 millon dollars. We dream of a place for 14,000 worshippers, a children’s church for 2,000 and 1,000, offices and schools and a university.

We are starting South American Christ for the Nations this coming August. I graduated from Yale Divinity School and for some time, did not have much faith is advanced education. But Yale was originally founded to train men to proprogate the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. We need higher Holy Spirit education here….like an extention of Regent University. The buildings would have to have 2-3 levels of underground parking. So, we are talking millions. We are dreaming.

*Our boys, Andrew 18 and Christian 17, want to go to Regent Unversity and study Cinema & Television. They run our weekly TV program that aires on local secular stations. They have an anointing for it. I want this year to have a 3 minute program that gives a zinger to the heart. When we get the program on the daily news show, it would touch the city of 3 million people. We do not want to have a Christian TV channel. We think it is better to produce quality programs on the major secular channels on prime time. That is our dream. Christian TV channels seem to reduce the impact of the Gospel to a sub-culture, instead of being salt and light throughout the culture. So, my boys are dreaming of a huge studio for Christian soap operas, movies, reality shows, etc. For example, imagine a reality show where a group of Christians pick a poor house with problems and give them a soul lift, fixing up their house, helping them start a business, bring them to Jesus, heal their marriage and relationship with their kids, and bring them the Father’s love. Wow.

*Our marriage pastor, Lucho, dreams about a retreat center in town to have retreats ever weekend (We presently have retreats every weekend for the new believers outsider of the city). Pastor Lucho said to me, “Pastor, just think how it would be to have a building where everyone in the city would know where to go to recieve healing for their home. Imagine, 24 hour counselling, a room to show films like Fire Proof, etc.”

*Our evangelism pastor, Juan David, dreams of having a truck with sound, light and projection. My son, Andrew, dreamed about this when he was a little boy. We could have up to 5 cruzades every weekend.

*Our children pastor, Rafa, dreams of bringing the fire of revival to children churches. He and his wife have already touched about 800 church through conferences.

*Kathy and I will host the annual conference for pastors who are forgotten, struggling and tired. We bring them to Medellin and pay for their food, put them up in homes and in our retreat center. Last year we had 300. This year we hope to have over 500. We do all this for about $6,000. Imagine if we could put them up in nice hotels and send them homes like kings. Id like to do it twice a year.

*Our praise pastor, Manual, could take a few hours talking about instruments and lighting.

*Our pastor, Adolfo, over the new converts, dreams of having a call center with 200 volunteers.

So these are just some of our burning dreams. They keep us up at night. Sometimes they make us feel wonderful and alive and sometimes they make us feel foolish and idiotic. But we are fools for Christ.

Thank you for the opportunity to write my dreams.
Bless you brother.
Long live Paul for the Glory of Jesus.
Andrew

See see our latest video the boys produced and narrated, go on line:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsRkKjdqMX8or just search Miracle in Medellin in youtube

Pastor Andrew & Kathy McMillan
Comunidad Cristiana de FeA A 58000Medellin, Colombia

www.fepaisa.com
Sowing Seed into Revival
Andrew & Kathy
Mission South America
P.O. Box 12523 Norfolk, VA 23541

Its not the Knot

Way back in the day, what seems to have been another life, I used to really enjoy fishing. I was never a true fishing addict but I did carry a fishing pole in my truck. If I passed an interesting looking pond or lake during the day and time permitted I would find a way to make a few casts at lunch time or before heading home at the end of the day.

Back in “those days” I did my best to keep abreast of the latest cool fishing knot. For the nonfisher-persons reading this….. There seems to be a never ending stream of the latest “best” knot to use to tie your lore or hook to your state of the art fishing line. After a hard day of fishing, freshwater anglers will disagree and debate over the best knot. However, when subject of best knots comes up among saltwater anglers you would do well to back out of the bar, quickly. Their passion for the knot runs a bit deeper.

I was reminded of this just a couple weeks ago while taking my dear friend Andrew McMillan for an evening sail and troll across the bay, www.fepaisa.com. Andrew and his family were back in the USA for a bit of R&R (for a missionary a vacation = preaching and raising support). Andrew noticed, after catching a nice little blue fish, that the spinning rod I had quickly thrown together did not have a swivel on the line and therefore the line was twisting. This is inexcusable for a real fisherman. Andrew is a real fisherman. I quickly cut off the silver spoon and tied in a snap swivel using a Double-Figure-Eight- Loop knot. **This is not a very elegant knot. However, it is very quick to tie and it makes adding or removing tackle a snap. **

Andrew, seeing the knot I used, commented, in a very knw way, that he had never seen anyone tie fishing line like that before. Remember Andrew is a real fisherman. I explained to him that I was shown this very simple and quick knot by the deck hand on a fishing charter I had been on a few years back. The deck hand knew all the “proper” knots but chose this knot because it was fast and easy and “more then strong enough”, in his words, for anything we might catch. Plus it allowed him to rig and un-rig a dozen or so fishing rigs at the start or completion of a day in a fraction of the time it would take using the “real fishing knots”.

This past Saturday I had promised our grandson, Christian who was spending the weekend with us that we would go fishing. More pressing needs had to be attended to and the fishing did not happen as planned. A promise is a promise, the scheduled work was postponed and we went today. Late this morning we shoved off and in about three hours we caught 9 flounder and 3 sharks. Christian had a ball.

Today as I sat on the dock straightening out the fishing gear I noticed a very fancy knot on a flounder rig that was in my Dad’s tackle box. I assumed it must have been tied by my father, Dad is also a “real fisherman”. Tangled up next to the real fishing knot was my trusty, but unassuming, double-figure-eight-loop knot. The knot my Dad had tied really looked sharp. It had a commending presence that said “HAY! I AM A REAL FISHERMAN”. My knot was,, well, just a knot.
While comparing the knots it occurred to me that the two flounder I had just filleted didn’t have a clue what kind of knot was used to drag them to my dinner table. The same applies to my grandson and wife. They neither knew nor cared what kind of knot I had used to tie their hook to the fishing line. All they knew was that there was a fish on the hook and when they reeled the line in the fish came along.

Then, as you might expect, the Holy Spirit used these simple knots to make His point.

Like fisherman, we (those professing to be Christians), all too often become caught up in what kind of knot we use. Obviously, I am no longer talking about knots. What I am referring to, and what the Lord was pointing out to me, is that I (we) get caught up in the way we were taught it should be done or how we think it should be done.

For reasons I don’t care to go into now I have had the privilege to attend many different churches, with many different forms of worship. It’s easy for me to find “things” to point out that “they” are doing wrong. The choir sings too much or not enough, the songs the congregation sings are too fast or too slow. The preacher reads his notes too much or he is too much off the cuff, he is too emotional, or there isn’t enough emotion. “I” think they should do an alter call,,,, too much emphasis on this or that. Bla- Bla- Bla- Bla-----------.

Its all just knots. What makes a fisherman, a fisherman, is that he fishes, Its not what kind of knot he uses. When the day is over……………………………, How many fish did you catch?

How powerful is your God? vs. How powerful is God?

I sent an internet link http://tinyurl.com/nc6qff to a friend other day about a ministry in Mozambique Africa. God is moving in a mighty way through that ministry and some of the claims made by the ministry, and those reporting on it, are admittedly a bit hard to fathom.

The friend responded with an almost expected bit of skepticism. They underlying, but unstated, question in his response was. “How can this be true?”

My response to his skepticism is printed below with a couple small changes to de-personalize it.

….” A month ago I would have been saying much the same.

Fantastic things are happening elsewhere in the world but in safe - secure- well fed- healthy USA, we sift what we hear to a consistency we have come to expect here. We have dined on well fed lamb so long we can no longer tolerate to eat an old goat.

Why is it that ( here in this time in the USA) we don’t see blind healed in our churches? We were commanded to heal the sick, ( Matt 10:7) we were told we would be given power (Acts 1:8). You and I have both seen this, have been part of this, we know it to be true. But here we go to church and “hear about” IT. We read about it, we talk about it, we sing about it,,,, BUT we don’t DO it. Why do demons cry out in the presence of Godly men in poor uneducated countries and not here? Surly we don’t believe they (the demons) are not among us. So if the unclean spirits are here, and they do not cry out--- then something is missing here that is present where they do cry out.

I know how to sail and I own a sail boat. Unless I get on it and cast off the lines and SAIL IT, it will just sit floating at the dock. I can read and talk all I want to about sailing but never go anywhere unless I go DO IT.

Now if I read some fantastic story about sailing in the Southern Ocean in 50+ knot winds and 50+’ seas I may choose to qualify (sift) the story because, after all, I have never done or seen such a thing, therefore it is highly unlikely that it is true (?)

Because you haven’t heard about Heidi Baker ( the person in the interview) http://www.irismin.org/ and the work there does that make it not true or not done? We, as a nation, people time, have a problem, we spend more time learning about sport stars then we do about God Stars. We spend more time promoting the natural world then we do the Spiritual world. We have become so wise and knowing that we discount or ignore what does not fit in our box.

If we believe we are living in the end times, and we must be because the writers of the NT thought so, therefore the end times must still be going on. Then we must believe that great works are still going on and will continue to grow. Nothing else can be true or we, in the words of Paul, are to be pitied above all men because our faith is a sham. (BC paraphrase)"

Here is another link with more interview ans vids about Heidi Baker and Iris Ministries http://www.fathersglory.com/insp/Roland_&_Heidi_Baker.htm

worth watching

My son posted this to facebook today. Its wwll worth sharing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-3X5hIFXYU